Thursday, December 30, 2010

un-glue it


My Heart
when was glued to another heart
was hard, or rather imposible
to unglue it

be it if the other heart was only in my mind
for My fool Heart 
care not for the reality of life

My poor, poor Heart just need small effort
to glue itself unto another

by being too kind,
by being too sweet,
by being too caring,
My Heart won't care,
My Heart would just float itself 
and glue itself upon the other

I blame myself for not teaching My Heart
be careful with Men
most of them see not My Heart
but care only about theirs

twice
was enough
for My Heart to carelessly glue herself
that was my limit anyway



my plan?


I'm gonna
lock My Heart in a safebox
cement it in a bigger box
dig up a deep hole
in the deepest sea
and buried My Heart there
in the middle of the darkest night


I've to do it fast
before My Heart fly and found another 
to glue Herself

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Pet Cemetery


pernah tak korang baca buku Pet Cemetery by Stephen King?
ngeri sket cita dia..
(tapi aku tak baca sampai habis pon, kena pulangkan kat lib)


motif aku bertanya ialah....
aku rasa umah aku ada sekor zombie kucing la

cam dalam buku tu
bila dia kucing tu mati, dia tanam dalam cemetery red indian sana
tak lama pastu, kucing dia balik
sama tapi tak serupa
perangai kucing tu dah jadi pelik


situasi yang sama jadi kat umah aku
cuma skip bab tanam kat perkuburan la kan


Tam (dah dia wana itam la kan) hilang
seluruh femli aku (kecuali aku) sampai termimpi2 Tam balik
tapi lepas tiga minggu, still tak nampak batang idong Tam
ditambah dengan banyak kes kehilangan kucing kat kawasan tu
aku assume musti orang da culik Tam

orang paling aku kesian ialah Abah
Tam tu umpama anak tunggal dia 
(aku sendiri rasa jeles dengan perhubungan tu)
tetiap ari cakap ngan Tam cam la Tam tu paham
bila Tam ilang, tetiap hari Abah kuar cari Tam
sampai tengah malam baru balik
siap kerah kawan2 Abah untuk cari sama2 ngan dia


tapi lepas sebulan
tengah2 malam, Mama dengar bunyi kat ruang tamu
bunyi kucing tengah makan biskut


Tam balik dengan slumber
masuk2 umah, terus serang makanan
durhaka sungguh
laen kali, naek dulu
pi jumpa Abah dulu
mintak ampun
haihhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

pastu pe lagi, kena kurung la
takleh kuar langsung


pepun, tu tak penting, yang penting skang
aku rasa yang balik tu bukannya Tam
sebab dah laen sangat perangai
asik2 bunyi
pastu dah tak manja cam dulu
jalan pon dah macam mafia kampung dusun
memang sah bukan Tam






tapi sekarang kan musim mengawan
mana la dia tahan nak dok umah



ps~ yang sure, aku sayang Chi sebab Chi lagi cumel. posing pon pandai. Chi, i lap yuh



Tuesday, December 14, 2010

new found LOVE



changgeh kan tajuk kali nih..
seyes ni..
aku rasa aku dah jatuh chenta..


kalo tengok mata aku skang ni, kompem leh nampak camni..
(bajet mana kaler ijo le gamaknya)

tapi sebelum aku cita lebih panjang dan lebar, mah aku nak mintak mahap dulu dari kawan2 yang rindu kat aku..
Daisy, Azmar, Z, Shu..
sori la ye, lama beno aku tak hapdet..

reasons: malas+takde berita best.
as usual la kan..

tapi skang dah de bite baek punya..



I'M IN LOVE

ini siriyes..

aku pi kenduri kawen kawan aku hujung minggu bebaru ni..
selalu cam tak best sangat pi kenduri sebab bukan kenai orang sangat..
tapi disebabkan best friend kawen, so, aku join jugak..
jadi orang dapur je..
tolong potong2 bahan..
nak masak kan tak reti..
tu je la sumbangan yang aku leh taburkan..

tapi..



petang kenduri tu, ada seseorang telah berjaya tangkap dan simpan pandangan mata aku..
memang dari jauh, takleh nak lepaskan pandangan..


muka dia amat slumber..
comel, hensem bercampur..
memang taste aku..
tapi yang lagi best, dia pon bagi respon baek kat aku..
korang tolong la doakan aku yek..

nak tengok pic dia?

nak?



amat amat amat amat amat amat amat amat comel kan?


rela aja dipeluk..
dah la cam teddy..
amat best peluk Haziq..
penyet la pipi dia bape kali pon, takdaknya dia nak jerit..
cool ja..
just the way i like..


sila tengok up-close picture of his chubby cheek..


aishhhh..
dari hari tu asek teringat dia je..



buleh pecaya tak kalo aku ada anak angkat segebu itu?

Saturday, November 20, 2010

The L word


what love is
can one show me
for I know not what it is



love
was said to be warm
but I
first knew of love
felt no warmth
just sheer cold
which chilled me to the bone
without my knowing



love
was said to be of trust
but I
first tried to trust
was then broken
into shredded pieces
which would never heal
only time could tell



now I
somehow find that
I truly believe in love
not of the one upon me
but to the love encircling me




I do feel warmth
I do feel trust
that is all that I require
for I don’t believe
that mine have warmth or trust




Tuesday, November 9, 2010

wormy :: Flowers in the Attic


by Virginia Andrews.


Andrews was a name that stuck in my mind. I've read this book years ago, but was tempted enough to buy this copy of mine after stumbling upon it in a secondhand bookstore in Chowrasta. 

In this Dollanganger series, the story moved in a fast pace, with lots of high points that kept me turning the page non stop. There are five books in the series:

Flowers in the Atic (1979)
Petals on the Wind (1980)
If There Be Thorns (1981)
Seeds of Yesterday (1984)
Garden of Shadows (1986)

This series portray the dark side of family secret. I mean, a really really dark secret. Conflict of incest, revenge and more dreadful events.


The story was about Cathy, her older brother Chris, and younger twins (Cory and Carrie). At first, they lived quite a charming life with their parents until one day, their father died in a car accident. Being a single mother, Corrine decided that she should returned to her family for help. In order to live in her luxurious family house and gain inheritance of her father's fortune, she had to hide her children in the attic. At first, Corrine visited them on daily basis but the visits grew less and less after some time. The children was locked in the attic for three years but their trust in their mom never fade. Later, when Cory died of malnutrition and poisoning, they soon realize that Corrine never want them in her life anymore. With that, they decided that they have to escape from the attic. 


Well, I guess I left the incest part out. haha. 18sx weh. haha. Google yourself if you're curious. 


 I feel kinda glad that i was able to finish this kinda-Gothic family story. but then, my mind kept wondering what had happened to the three of them after they managed to escape. Was she trapped in the incest-love with his brother or did she have a happy ending?



But I should have known that all dark story will remain dark until the end. I've wiki it on the net. And now I don't need to find the rest of the depressing books. 


ps~ I need to find a H.A.P.P.Y book. One with rainbows, and tulips, and a handsome BMW in it  ^________^ 



Monday, November 1, 2010

sama tapi tak serupa

entri ini pasal Mama lagi..
hahha..


sebab apa aku suka cita pasai Mama?
sebab otak Mama kreatif dalam hiburkan hati kami sefemli..


Abah?
Abah keturunan bugis..
Bugis ni garang2, tu yang leh jajah macam2 tempat..
tapi ai stil lap yu Abah..

situasi baru:

Abah tengah bersembang dengan Mama.
(Dah=short name Mama, Hamidah, Tib=short name Abah, Latib)

Dah, Tib cadang nak masak nasik ayam rini. ka Dah ada plan laen?
Takdak plan. masak la pape pon.
Dah, mana Tib punya baju? tinggai sini tadi.
Basuh. Busuk dah.
Dah, Tib bla bla bla bla bla bla.
Mama cakap sorang2
Tib, Tib Tib.. Stapler takdak?


penerangan = sila sebut Tib = tape



ps~ Mama memang tak banyak sangat cakap..tapi kalau datang mood nak merepek, perut+mulut kejang xhengat..

Sunday, October 24, 2010

...

Aku mau berpujangga seperti Mr Bijan. Tapi nyata ayatnya jauh lebih indah. Mana mungkin aku ikut.

Aku juga mau berpuisi seperti Shuhada. Tapi itu pun umpama tahyul. Kata2 indah mana pernah ada padaku.

Mau bercerita comel. Z dan Daisy. Tapi aku? Comel? Pangkah besar.

Mau bercerita di sini. Guna bahasa sendiri. Rasa kasar benar. Bila baca terus saja dibuang. Itu bukan aku. Puitis itu bukan aku. Kasar itu bukan aku. Comel itu juga bukan aku. Mungkin kata2 ini perlu disimpan. Dalam hati. Ketat. Rapat. Biar aja ia berulat. Dan mereput dengan sendiri.



Aku mau cari kawan. Yang bukan kawan. Yang tak kenal aku. Yang tak perlu berpura2 kuat di depannya. Situ. Aku akan ceritakan semua. 

the irresistible man

aku penah baca...




Dalam percintaan, lelaki berkecenderungan untuk menjadi kebudak-budakan.

jika lelaki itu tak segan silu merajuk, itu maknanya dia memang sayangkan anda.






tapi, takkan semua lelaki keliling aku suka kat aku kot. impohsibel.


tapi kalu Incik Daniel ni mau merajuk. kompem aku pujuk sampai putus napas aku. haha..






*semak perut dengan perangai mengada-takkenatempat mereka2 itu. kalo mau merajuk-mengada2 ngan aku, silakan. terimalah tanpa segan silu aku punya lazer beam.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

bunyi misteri itu

jedeng..jedeng..jedeng.. 3x





irama apa tu?
Dengar balik..


Tut tiit..
Tu tiiit..
Tu tiit..
Tenenenet tenet..




Aku tak mencarut ok..
Tu bunyi2an..
Tapi korang dapat agak tak tu bunyi apa?














Dapat teka dak?
For those yang tak tau (aku rasa musti suma taktau kan), tu la bunyi yang saban hari saat asik berbunyi kat rumah aku..
Seriously, every second of the day..


Bunyi game handphone Abah..
Kalo Mama maen game komputer aku,
Abah maen game henpon..
lebih kurang cam game Bejewelled..
susun warna-sama-meletop..


Kalau waktu Abah maen game, sila jangan bercakap dengan Abah..
Sebarang persoalan hidup ato mati takkan dilayan..
Even to soklan “Abah nak ayaq teh dak?”


Kalo dulu, soklan tu la yang paling cepat mendapat reaksi dari Abah..
Tapi, itu dulu..
Sekarang, semua dah berubah..
(ecece, cam cita sedeh ja)


Tahap kronik Abah maen game?
Hmmm.. let me think..



Sekali tu, aku dok terjelepok depan tv
Tapi aku terdengar sayup2 ja bunyi ‘tut tiitt’ game Abah..

Cam pelik plak..
Slalunya Abah main game kat ruang tamu, takpun kat master bedroom..
Tapi kalo master bedroom, kompem tak dengaq bunyi dah..
Toleh kiri, toleh kanan
Abah takdak pon..


‘Abah mana weh? Dok dengaq bunyi tapi xnampak orang pon’


adik aku muncung mulut
tunjuk koordinat Abah..




haih... parah dah Abah ni
dalam toilet pon game jugak..


ini bukan Abah aku. Tapi aku rasa ni ultimate dream adik aku yang doplopat jam melekat kat depan komputer. like Abah like son.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

bila hati banjir

di sini, aku cuma nak tegaskan satu point saja..
tapi, untuk hangpa paham point2 aku, sila tengok koleksi2 gambar yang aku kutip dari pakcik Gugel..





 di atas adalah gaya2 menangis yang tak best..
muka sorang2 herot petot ja..
kompem orang pon tak larat nak tengok..






tapi kenapa kita tak tergolong dalam grup kedua ni ha?
korang penah terpikir tak?
cuba tengok gambar..






kan cun@ayu@cumel je kalo nanges gitu..
buleh nanges bila2 masa, di mana2 saja..
convenient sungguh..





ps~ aku? nanges dalam lemari jek. 


Monday, October 11, 2010

wormy :: Train Man



This book was actually based on real event. Not really a novel, but a chat log. Hangpa ingat dak zaman2 chat guna mrlc tu. Sebelum Yahoo Messenger, this Mrlc was extremely popular.



The story was about Train, who didn’t know a thing about courting woman, getting advices on how to do so by his ‘cyber support group’. He met Hermes in an incident and starting from there, the girl started dropping hints for him that she would really like to get to know him better (in my opinion la kan). Dalam suppot group dia tu, ada pelbagai jenis kawan. Computer geeks (who couldn’t offer any help whatsoever n winning hearts), a torn husband-wife couple, kawaii girls and some interestingly-caring men were among the group (based on the film though).



As mentioned earlier, the story was actually written in the real log chat. Japan’s 2-Channel forum chat. Somebody made the chat compilation and turn it into a book. Dan bila baca, memang ada perasaan teruja sebab mesej2 dia amat comel dan suspen tu memang selalu at peak. 

see.. comel kan hippo tu.. hahah


A light reading material though serabut sikit (paham2 la, chat discussion, ntah sapa yang bercakap waktu tu pon kompius). Dulu, buku ni amat laris kat Japan, sampai dibuat filem dengan tajuk yang sama. Memula, aku tertengok filem dia dekat tv, dahtu, rasa cam warm-fuzzy-feeling bila tengok betapa usahanya lelaki tu untuk pikat the girl walopon jantung cam nak runtuh. 

poster untuk movie dia


Anyway, I do suggest this film for those of u yang kinda ‘geek’ at winning others heart. I mean the ‘significant other’ la. It’ll make u braver (I hope *wink)

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Hating Nightmares

Who loves nightmares? I bet nobody does.

kecik dah le pic ni..ngeri lak aku tengok..

 Aren’t we all into happily-ever-after dreams? Even if not so, not-going-anywhere dreams were quite common to me. But sometimes, ntah-apa-apa dreams do come. Takdak hal punya, layan ja. 


Tapi, aku ni bukannya orang yang selalu mimpi2. Kalau aku selalu mimpi pon, by the time I woke up, I won’t remember a thing about the dreams. Itu yang selalu jadi kat aku. In a month, maybe just a couple of dreams that I remembered the details. Just bits though.  


But in all my years (seingat aku la) there are only three nightmares that I have had. The kind of nightmares that u wakes up crying accompanied by profuse sweating. 




Macam budak2 kan?



The first nightmare was toyol-orang minyak based sebab waktu tu my hostel was in the zone of amukan orang minyak. Budak2 lain mula la cari ikan puyu nak bela, to repel the ‘pukau’. I’m cool though (kinda scared but acted cool. Hati aku kata ‘Orang2 cun kena la jaga2, aku ni takpa. Orang minyak tak berkenan..LOL’). Woke up in the middle of the night, scared like hell fish.

toyol versi omputeh..kalo letak toyol melayu, ngeri lak pic yang aku gugel nih. ni kan blog kanak2 rebena.mana leh 18SG.

But, wait semenet. The toyol-orang minyak dream tak buat aku menangis. Just tersentak dan bangun with heart beating like gendang drum konsert metal underground. And sweating cam kena BBQ.



The wake up-crying-extremely scared dreams cuma dua, setakat ni. Praying and hoping that it’ll be the last. I couldn’t handle this type of dream weh.


Bebaru ni, I woke up with that type of dream, cried for about an hour before I decided I should take my bath, thinking that it could stop my crying. By the time I stopped, my head hurts so much. Cam nak mintak MC ja. Even selsema sebab mandi awal sangat dengan air yang sejuk gedi tu.




But the terrifying images of the dream stuck in my mind. And I couldn’t get it out. Every time the image spring in my mind, I felt like I’m gonna burst into tears again.


Have u ever had that kind of dream? Ever?


Ps~ Ya ALLAH, aku berdoa kepadaMu, jauhkanlah aku dari semua itu. Selamatkanlah aku dan keluargaku, Ya Malik.